The Queen's English

I realize I post a lot about the kids, but I do want to post things about England and our way of life here. Everybody realizes that there are differences between the Queen's English (what they speak here) and the bastardized American version (if you ask the Brits what we speak).

I wanted to enlighten you on some of the differences of our two similar languages.

A subway is not a train that runs underground (that would be the Tube), but a pedestrian underpass that goes under busy intersections so you don't have to cross the street. If you are in a tube station or a store, you won't find an Exit, but a Way Out. And of course you don't take the elevator, you take a lift. The first floor is the floor above the ground floor. (So, in the US the 2nd floor is the 1st floor here). A police man is affectionately known as a Bobby, and it's a fire engine, not a truck. A truck is called a lorry, a station wagon is an estate car, and a mini-van/van is a people mover. You don't rent a car on vacation, you hire a car. You drive your car on the carriageway and park it in a caravan park and put your purchases in the boot, not the trunk. Bumps in the road to slow down your vehicle are sleeping policemen. And of course it isn't a vacation, but a holiday. You fly there on an aeroplane. Your doctor is a GP, and his office is the surgery. You have operations in a theatre. A lawyer who argues cases in court is a barrister, while the person you see to write up your will or get a divorce is a solicitor. A Realtor is an estate agent. A school principal is a headmistress. When you need cash, you go to the Cashpoint or the hole in the wall, not an ATM. The main street where are the shops are is the high street. A crossing guard who helps children cross the street is a lollipop man/woman.

Babies don't wear diapers, they wear nappies. And they don't drink from a sippy cup, it's a beaker. Weaning doesn't refer to stopping breastfeeding, but only starting them onto solid foods (while they are still nursing or taking a bottle too). They don't use a passaphire, they use a dummy. They don't nap during the day, they take a rest. They ride in a pushchair or a buggy, not a stroller. When they urinate, they take a wee. Ask for a restroom or a bathroom in any public place, and you'll be met with a look of either confusion or disdain. It's a toilet or a lav. Q Tips are cotton buds, and cotton balls are cotton wool. A band-aid is a plaster.

When it is cold outside, you don't put on a sweater, you wear a jumper. Trousers are what go on your legs, and knickers or smalls go underneath. Boys/Mens briefs (tidy whities) are called Y-Fronts. Costumes are fancy dress. Your sneakers are trainers.

You ring someone on the phone, and if your phone number is 755 333 you say "Seven double five treble (not triple!) three". You have a mobile ("Mo-bile"), not a cell phone. The mail is the post, and it is put into your letter box. The thing you watch programmes on is the telly. You go to see a movie at the cinema, and while you're there (the Brits would say "whilst you are there") you can get either sweet or savory popcorn. If you want to see a show, you go to the theater. The pages in your magazines urging you to buy something are adverts. Pantomime doesn't mean silently acting something out, but a specific type of theater that is usually put on around Christmas, and usually involves men in drag. You don't turn something counterclockwise, you turn it anticlockwise. Playing checkers is playing draughts. Tic-Tac-Toe is "naughts and crosses", not x and o. Every two weeks is a fortnight.

Everyone knows that chips are french fries, and US-style chips are crisps. A cup of coffee or tea is referred to as a cuppa. Store bought cookies are biscuits, while a homemade one is still a cookie. Ground beef/lamb is called mince, cilantro is coriander, and "pasta" is pronounced with a long a sound (kind of like faster). Peanuts in the shell are monkey nuts, sandwiches are called sarnies that you eat on a bap (roll), and pickle refers to any number of picked vegetables, usually cabbage, radish and carrots. Beets are beetroot, and the Brits love them. A rutabega is a swede, and a jacket potato is a baked potato. You won't find eggplant or zucchini, only aubergine or courgettes. Bubble and squeak is a dish made up of leftover mash (mashed potatoes) and cabbage. Arugula is rocket, and any type of lettuce is a salad. So when you get a burger with lettuce on it, it comes "with a salad". A fairy cake is a cupcake, and cake is sponge. If they have sprinkles on top, they have hundreds-and-thousands on them. Icing sugar is powdered sugar, and an ice lolly is a popsicle. Strawberries from the store come in a punnet. A can of tuna is a tin of tuna. A soda is a fizzy drink. Lemonade is Sprite/7-Up, while cloudy lemonade is the kind made with lemons and sugar. Wrap your leftovers up in clingfilm or tin foil. The dessert course is called pudding, even if it is cake or ice cream. Aluminum is pronounced "Al-e-min-yum" and a paper towel is kitchen roll. Your put your rubbish in the bin and you cook on the hob, not the stove. When you need to vacuum your house, you need to hoover.


Your buddies are you mates, and a guy is a bloke. Your grandma is your nan, while your mom is your mum. A senior citizen is an OAP (old age pensioner). A jerk is a tosser. A woman of questionable morals (aka slut) is a slag, but to slag off is to badmouth someone behind their back. Lovely and brilliant are the most typical adjectives, and are synomous with great or awesome. If you are going to a shady area or encounter some scary looking people, it is dodgy. A chav is a low class person who wears designer rip-offs, big tacky jewelery, and lots of tracksuits. A hoody is a young trouble maker. Someone who is overweight is a salad-dodger, likewise someone with questionable personal hygiene is a soap-dodger. A bald man is a slaphead. If you are happy about something, you're chuffed. When you are really sad you are gutted. A child talking back to their mum is being cheeky. Drinking too much is getting pissed, blotto, hammered. Being tired is being knackered. You wish someone a "Happy Christmas". Of course soccer is football, and they don't have games, they have matches which are played on the pitch, not the field. Their fans are called hooligans and their coaches are called managers or gaffers. When you've made a mistake, you have made a cock-up. If someone is being silly or crazy, you tell them not to be so daft. If you are astonished, you are gobsmacked; if you are complaining than you are whingeing.

If you need ten pounds, you need ten quid. If you are broke you are skint. A scheme refers to any type of plan, as in "the teachers scheme to help the children".

You refer to your weight in stone, which is 14 pounds.

I could go on and on, but I'll guess that you are bored now and stop. As you can see, it is almost a different language altogether! There are also words that are only spoken by the "lower or working classes", and upper class people do not use them. Britain is still very much a class-based society, and what you wear, drive, and say can be very telling to other British of your background. An example of this is "serviette". A serviette can refer to a paper napkin, but it is a non-U word, meaning it is only used by the lower class and an upper class would never utter such a word.